The On-Line Buzzletter: Jokes: How the Fight Started: Part 2

Friday, March 22, 2013

Jokes: How the Fight Started: Part 2

Here's part 2 of 2 of the jokes of "How the Fight Started." My 2 favorite are at the bottom of this posting. Hope they make you smile!

See the last joke to get this one

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
______________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for
me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at
the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'

And then the fight started...
________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."
And then the fight started........
________________________________

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
That's how the fight started.

Who I am

I'm a simple guy who enjoys the simple things in life, especially our dogs. I volunteer for dog rescues, enjoy exercising, blogging, politics, helping friends and neighbors, participating in ghost investigations, coffee, weather, superheroes, comic books, mystery novels, traveling, 70s and 80s music, classic country music,writing books on ghosts and spirits, cooking simply and keeping in shape. You'll find tidbits of all of these things on this blog and more. EMAIL me at Rgutro@gmail.com - Rob

Rob's Book- Kindred Spirits: When a Spirit Befriends a Medium

ABOUT THE BOOK It's uncommon for a medium really get know a spirit so well that the living person considers the spirit a best friend. But that's exactly what happened to medium and paranormal investigator Rob Gutro. When Rob met his partner Tom in 2005, Ed's spirit came along for the ride. Rob never knew Ed in life, but Tom did. Now, Ed often communicates to Rob and has revealed his sense of humor, his heart, and helped solved the mystery of his passing.- Video short: VIDEO: https://youtu.be/_zUFsjrTrLg

Tracking Our Dog Rescue Assists

We work with Coast-to-Coast Dachshund Rescue (CCDR), Dachshund Rescue of North America (DRNA) and D.C. Weimaraner Rescues (DCWR) and Bonney Blue Rescue and foster or transport dogs as often as we can (and when they mix well with our 3 kids). Here's a list of the dogs we fostered or transported:

Gracie - Transported - a Beagle Mix adopted in western MD
2 Unnamed Dachshunds -Transported - rescued from a breeder (we watched for 3 days) sent on to permanent foster homes

Cooper#1 the Dachshund - Fostered - 2-26-09 -We fostered this lovable black and tan wire-haired, easy-going, lovable senior and he was Adopted by our friends Bob and Arlene in MD in April 2009

Buddy the Weimaraner - Transport 9-27-09 - We transported Buddy from no. VA to White Marsh, MD where we met Buddy's new mom Cathy from Philly.

Sprite the Dachshund -Fostered and We Adopted! 12-4-10 We picked up almost 14 yr old Sprite in Frederick, Md from a rescue transporter on 12-4-10 and we fostered him. We adopted Sprite in April 2011 when we learned of his heart murmur. (Sprite passed 7-8-13 at 16 1/2 years old)

Chance the Weimaraner - Rescue from shelter and Fostered- 6-10-12 - We freed Chance from the PG County Animal Shelter, and fostered through DC Area Weim Rescue. We covered his hip surgery and fostered Chance, while helping him walk again. He was adopted by our friend Whitney on 7-29-12. (Chance passed on 3-26-16)

Cooper#2 the Dachshund - Fostered 9-24-15 - We fostered this little guy and he was adopted by Shayne in MD after we had Cooper for just a couple of weeks.

Tuck (mix) - 5-7-13 - Transported Huck for Bonnie Blue Rescue. He came from a CT shelter, and we picked hi up in Baltimore and brought him to his new dad and mom, our friends Jon & Erin in VA

Tyler (Dachshund) - 12-17-12- FOSTERED & WE ADOPTED! We took in and fostered Tyler a 2 year old black and tan dachshund who came from a kill shelter in NC. Our friend Robert drove there and picked him up. (read the blog: First Night with Tyler the Foster from 12-17-12) - We realized how he bonded with our Weimaraner Dolly, so we adopted him in May 2013 through the rescue.

Charlie (Dachshund)- Rescue from shelter and transported to foster mom April in Md. *April adopted Charlie!*

Rocco (Dachshund puppy) -Rescue from shelter and transported, we brought to foster mom Kristin in Oct.
Abu - (Dachshund mix) - Rescue from shelter and transported to Emily for foster home in Delaware in Oct.

Doc, now Duncan (Dachshund mix)- Rescue from shelter

and transported to Katie for fostering. Duncan was adopted.

Reds - Rescue from shelter and transported - This long-haired, senior red Chihuahua to Katie for transport to a Senior dog rescue in Virginia

Happy and Sami - Transported from College Park, Md to Springfield, VA (Jan. 2013)

Gus - Worked with at Rescue Event - April brought Gus to us to appear at an adoption event at Pet Value, Gambrills, Md.

Max -Transported. Part of a transport from White Marsh, Md. to Bowie, Md. to foster mom April in southern Maryland.

JJ - Transport to adopting family This tiny 8 pound dog was transported from Washington, D.C. to Towson, Md. where we did a home visit and completed the adoption to a great family
Jethro- Home inspection for DASH Rescue to place this doxie/chihuahua mix.

Grayson - Worked with at Rescue Event -Worked with this 12 yr old senior Weimaraner at the Pet Valu, Gambrills, md adoption event!

Heath - Transported. 9-2014 a 10 year old black/tan dachshund we fostered for 3 days (who wound up being afraid of men- and went to another foster home.

Mack- Fostered 10-2014 **Adopted in Dec. 2014!**
fostered from Oct. 27 until he was adopted in Dec. from Connie and Poul.

Saylor - transport 12-14-14 (being fostered in Annapolis, Md thru DASH Rescue.) ~ 15lbs, 2 years, male/neutered, red smooth doxie, Heartworm negative (thankfully) & up to date on vaccines ___ sassy little man!

Dapple - Transported. 12-14-14 (being fostered in Annapolis, Md thru DASH Rescue.)is a black and tan dachshund with some dapple coloring, and also 2 years old, 14 lbs. female/spayed, silver-dapple smooth doxie.

Phillie - Transported. 5-2-15 A 12 yr old, sweet brown, smooth dog, to foster care because his parents "have 3 small kids and can't handle the dog." We brought him from White Marsh, MD to Alexandria, VA. (Going from NJ to TN where he is being fostered through Coast to Coast Dachshund Rescue

Harry - Transported. 5-23-15 the black and tan/dapple, 6 year old dachshund from White Marsh, MD to foster mom, April, southeast of Washington, DC-

Trooper- Transported. 6-12-15 - This brown dapple, 2 year old dachshund came from a kill shelter in Alabama and was headed to NJ to a foster home thru DASH rescue.

Milo and Max 8-2-15 Fostered and Transported *Adopted 9-1-15* This senior pair of Dachshunds came from a divorced home in Indiana and were transported to us through Ohio and our friend Scott "Bear" Elliott and many others. Milo was fostered by our friend April.. and we fostered Max and our friend April fostered Milo. They were BOTH adopted by Cindy! Adoption Story: http://tinyurl.com/osz2px8 (Max passed 6-19-18 of heart failure)

Oscar - Transported 11-21-15 - This precious senior 9 year old mini-Dachshund was given up by his family because their daughter "developed allergies." (The girl should've taken Benadryl and dealt with it). We were the first transporter and it was a heart-wrenching event. Story: http://tinyurl.com/zzjp9ln

Otis -Home Visit - March 2016 - We did a home visit to Nancy who adopted this handsome little Dachshund Mix through Dachshund Rescue of No. America.

Cleveland and Tommy- Sept. 2016 - We had these guys overnight a couple of nights, and drove Tommy to York, PA for his foster home. We also got Cleveland to his foster home in Maryland. Both were 5 yr old, sweet, red smooth Dachshunds.

Coco and Hansel - Feb. 2017 - We drove up to Delaware together to get them. and then wound up later transporting them locally to their forever home.

Winnie and Tuck - Spring 2017- We placed this mom and son in forever homes in Virginia and Maryland.

Hercules - July 2017 - He didn't go through the rescue because we learned of him through a friend of a friend, and our friends Bob and Arlene were seeking to adopt, so they did!

Hayley- May 2018 - we got to free and transport a sweet little 6 pound dog named Hayley from the local county shelter. Hayley went to foster care with our friend Shelley who works for the Dachshund Rescue of North America (DRNA)

July 2018- We took in a Foster Dog named DASH! - our friend Shelley of Dachshund Rescue of North America told us about a little senior Dachshund/Chihuahua mix and we freed him from the Anne Arundel Animal Control Center on July 21, 2018. He was there since June 10, and the shelter ran out of room... so he had to be fostered immediately. 10 years old, 8 lbs. Birthday: Aug. 22. We ADOPTED Dash on Aug. 10^th!

Sophie - March 2021 - We transported this 7 year old cream colored French Bulldog from Alexandria, VA to Baltimore, Md. to a foster home for K9 Rescue of the Eastern Shore.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Jokes: How the Fight Started: Part 2

Who I am

A Classic Country Music Station to Enjoy