Recently, a couple whom we have come to include in our inner circle of close friends told us that they couldn’t celebrate our recent marriage, nor attend our reception, because of religious reasons.
I'm having a difficult time coping with this decision and I'm really hurt.
I understand that the majority of religious denominations are opposed to gay marriage. Fine. But marriage is not just a religious institution; it is also a civil contract between two consenting adults with real world consequences and real world legal obligations. Gay marriages do not need to be performed in a religious setting. Churches do not need to perform gay marriages. Tom & I didn't attempt to get married in a church – so, for us, it wasn’t about religion, it was about recognition of our commitment to each other in front of God.
At first, I was extremely disappointed in their rejection; I tried to be understanding and realize that they are hanging onto an antiquated belief system that has probably been engrained in them for a very long time. For me personally, my disappointment in religious institutions has grown out of a frustration with religions leaders who continually preach hatred and intolerance. Since God is love, logically, wouldn’t God want all people to find love? After all, love is a gift. I learned this teaching as a young person growing up in the Catholic Church. As an adult, and now legally married to his partner, it has been difficult for me to accept being shunned by the very Church I have loved.
Now, my disappointment in our friends' decision to not honor and recognize us as a couple is morphing into feelings of anger (that is the cycle after all). I'm angry that religion can stand between and dictate who to love. I'm angry that two friends, who we had come to love and share wonderful times together for the past couple of years, feel they must now turn their backs on our marriage and us as friends and shun us because of what their church teaches.
I'm not saying all religion is bad - it's certainly not. It can be a foundation to learn love, faith, kindness, hope, and many other virtues. But when religion starts to divide people and be more about politics, and destroy friendships, then I have a big problem with it.
The two empty seats at our reception will now be filled with hurt, anger, and disappointment. Both of us feel that our friendship has now been irreparably damaged.
Love isn't about religion. It's about people, their relationship to each other, and their relationship to God. Not the church.
Being abandoned by our friends at this time - when we are celebrating a once-in-a-lifetime event - is truly not a good feeling.
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