Have You Been Bullied? I Have. What it is/How to Debate a Bully/Resources for Bullied Children

Many of us have been bullied. I was bullied in school for being the shortest student all the way to High School. I was called "Shrimp" among other things. I did my best to ignore the insults, but it was hurtful. Fortunately, I stayed closeted and quiet during high school and there were so many kids that no one spoke with me. When I was in high school in the late 1970s and early 80s, gay kids were bullied (as they continue to be 40 years later).  

   Years ago, I was also bullied at work by a manager who hated gay people and tried to get me fired because I wrote a book on paranormal topics.

  Below is a resource for school children if they are being bullied.

     And given the current political situation featuring the worst bully in my memory- it's important for others to know how to deal with him. I found this article by the Atlantic especially enlightening.  Here's the article: 

How to Win a Debate With a Bully 

 SEPTEMBER 24, 2020 Peter Wehner Contributing writer at The Atlantic and senior fellow at EPPC

“I’m used to bullies.”

That’s a line Joe Biden has used several times during his run against Donald Trump, and he said it again recently in talking about the first presidential debate.

“I hope I don’t take the bait, because he’s going to say awful things about me, my family, et cetera,” Biden said at a virtual fundraiser. “I hope I don’t get baited into getting into a brawl with this guy, because that’s the only place he’s comfortable.” Biden expects to be able to keep his cool because, he said, “I’m used to dealing with bullies.”

Joe Biden should simply name what is true and what most Americans intuit about the president: He is a terribly broken man.

The challenge for Biden isn’t simply that he’ll be facing a bully on the debate stage in Cleveland on Tuesday; it’s that he’ll be facing a man who is shameless and without conscience, a shatterer of norms and boundaries, a liar of epic proportions, a conspiracy-monger who inhabits an alternate reality. President Donald Trump operates outside any normal parameters.

If one is not used to dealing with someone like that, it can be utterly disorienting. Just ask the 2016 GOP primary field, or Hillary Clinton.  “We were on a small stage,” Clinton said about her second debate with Trump, “and no matter where I walked, he followed me closely, staring at me, making faces. It was incredibly uncomfortable. He was literally breathing down my neck. My skin crawled.”

She went on to describe what went through her mind: Should she keep her calm and carry on as if he weren’t repeatedly invading her space, or should she turn to him, look him in the eye, and say, “Back up, you creep. Get away from me. I know you love to intimidate women, but you can’t intimidate me, so back up”? Clinton chose the first option, but in retrospect, she wonders whether she should have chosen the second.

What might Vice President Biden do to prepare for his debates with President Trump?

For starters, I hope the former vice president’s campaign team has consulted psychologists who can help prepare Biden to deal with Trump’s disordered personality.

A second thing Biden can do is put Trump’s words within a larger context. For example, the president is a profligate liar; we know that in the course of the debates the president will tell an avalanche of falsehoods. It might therefore be useful for Biden, early in the debate, to warn viewers what will happen—Trump will lie, and lie again, and lie again. The former vice president should put a frame around those claims, so people understand what’s happening in real time. 

 In February, a friend pointed out to me that years ago Donald Trump lied about the size of Trump Towers, claiming he lived on the 66th to 68th floors. Here’s the thing: Trump Tower has only 58 floors, according to New York City documents. So Trump lied about even this, as he lies about virtually everything else. (In fact, Trump has lied about the height of several of his buildings, including Trump World Tower, which he claimed has 90 floors. In fact, it has 70.)

If Biden were to use this story at the beginning of a debate, perhaps even before Trump’s first lie, the former vice president, when hearing a lie, could simply say, “Donald, we’re at the 66th floor again.” This response would certainly be more effective than repeatedly calling Trump a liar and serving as a fact-checker for the entire debate. Biden has to find a way to quickly name what’s happening and move on.

When it’s his turn to respond to a comment by Trump, the former vice president should confidently name each strategy Trump attempted—“That was a deflection … That was a hoax … That was scapegoating … We’re at the 66th floor again.” By quickly and succinctly answering any question after naming the strategy, Biden will appear controlled, reasonable, and intelligent; Trump will feel dismissed and mocked. This will enrage the president, especially if his attempts to engage in argument are ignored, and Biden refuses to look at him.

Beyond that, as one clinical psychologist I consulted for this piece suggested, Biden should simply name what is true and what most Americans intuit about the president: He is a terribly broken man. Money and privilege spared him from the consequences that might have helped him develop a conscience. He does not show remorse or guilt, because he does not feel it.

 Decency and honesty yield no reward for Trump; indecency and lying yield no consequences. He doesn’t apologize to others, because he doesn’t feel the pain of others. He does not have the capacity for empathy and authentic relationships; all his relationships are conditional. He knows only pleasure and pity for himself. He perseverates on the wounds to his ego. Telling the truth, when it’s not Trump’s truth, is viewed as a betrayal by the president, because he always places his interests above truth.

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WHAT IS BULLYING? 

In 2014, the Centers for Disease Control and Department of Education released the first federal definition of bullying. The definition includes three core elements:

• unwanted aggressive behavior
• observed or perceived power imbalance
• repetition or high likelihood of repetition of bullying behaviors

This definition helps determine whether an incident is bullying or other type of aggressive behavior, such as one-time physical fights, online arguments, or incidents between adults. Some bullying actions can fall into criminal categories, such as harassment, hazing, or assault.

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RESOURCES FOR BULLIED STUDENTS:  from Stopbullying.gov:  If you have done everything you can to resolve the situation and nothing has worked, or someone is in immediate danger, there are ways to get help.

The problem	What you can do
There has been a crime or someone is at immediate risk of harm.	Call 911.
Someone is feeling hopeless, helpless, thinking of suicide.	Contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline online or at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). The toll-free call goes to the nearest crisis center in our national network. These centers provide 24-hour crisis counseling and mental health referrals.
Someone is acting differently than normal, such as always seeming sad or anxious, struggling to complete tasks, or not being able care for themselves.	Find a local counselor or other mental health services The Mental Health and Addiction Insurance Help consumer portal prototype can help consumers get to the correct resource to solve their Mental Health and Substance Use Disorder insurance coverage issue.
A child is being bullied in school.	Contact the: Teacher School counselor School principal School superintendent State Department of Education See more on working with the school.
The school is not adequately addressing harassment based on race, color, national origin, sex, disability, or religion.	Contact: School superintendent State Department of Education U.S. Department of Education, Office for Civil Rights U.S. Department of Justice, Civil Rights Division