Thursday, April 29, 2010

Dealing with Elderly Parents Who are Failing

My mom is visiting for two weeks and staying with us. Since before my dad passed (almost 2 years ago) we noticed mom's short term memory was failing. Now it's worse and she even gets hostile over little things.
Yesterday, I took mom to a beauty salon to get her hair just washed and set, to pamper her. She was livid when I pulled up at the place. In fact, downright hostile and nasty to me. She said that about 8 months ago she had her hair dyed and the beautician messed it up, and made it orange. She was furious and the dye didn't come all out, so she had to live with it for 2 months (I guess). She panics over everything, and expects the worst- so she thought the local beautician I took her to would "destroy (her) hair!" I assured her it wasn't a cut or coloring, just a simple pampering and wash and set.
- I was humiliated in the salon when she kept raising her voice and telling me what an insensitive jerk (my words) I am to do this "hateful, nasty thing" to her.
I understand the fear from what happened to her, but told her that she needs to trust other people to not do the same thing, and trust me to not bring her to a non-professional.
The beautician, Diane, calmed her down and patiently listened. She was awesome. By the time my mother was under the hairdryer she calmed down.
She looked good afterward, but never said "thank you," and at lunch later, she didn't remember being hostile to me.
I've heard that's a sign of dementia (and her short term memory isn't good at all). So, jokingly I told her "I'm not taking you to get your nails done!" I can only be run out of so many local places (not that I ever go to nail salons, mind you). :) So much for pampering mom on her visit.
There is one good thing. After all that drama, she didn't scream when I told her she's here for 2 weeks instead of 1 week. Whew! (Okay, so I'm still trying to be optimistic here).
I believe she needs assisted living, but she's stubborn and "doesn't want to live near old people." Yes, she's 82. My brothers and I have a lot to figure out in the near future. It's all very sad to watch a parent age and lose their faculties.

Gift/Memorial Suggestions

Several of our friends have lost loved ones (human and pets) and we found that one of the best ways to honor their memory is to give to an animal charity.
What better way to recognize a life of love, than by giving another life a chance for love?
We donate to many animal rescues, but because we volunteer with
DC Weimaraner Rescue and Coast-to-Coast Dachshund Rescue, those are our 2 favorites.
Consider giving the chance of life to a dog or cat.

Great Books by our friends

Great Books by our friends
Check out these great books (yeah, Rob's are in there, too)

About us

We're two married guys who enjoy the simple things in life, especially our dogs. We volunteer for dog rescues, enjoy splitting dinners, exercising, blogging, helping friends and neighbors, ghost investigations, coffee and tea, Tudor history, weather, superheroes, comic books, mystery novels, traveling, 70s and 80s music, classic country, piano, gardening, writing books on ghosts and spirits, architecture, keeping a clean house, cooking simply, and keeping in shape. You'll find tidbits of all of these things on this blog and more.

Tom and Rob Thinking Hard!

Tom and Rob Thinking Hard!
Wondering what home project to do next

Podcast of Rob's 50 min. interview on Paranormal Filler Radio 7/13/14