Some Great Jokes About Things Kids Say

Mom F. in Maine sent us these funny gems, and they made us laugh out loud. Hope they make you laugh, too! 
THE WHALE TALE
A little  girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
 
WHITE HAIR 
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'

CLASS PHOTO
  The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
'Just think how nice it will be to  look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's  Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a  doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'



WATCHING  
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE.  God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want.  God is watching the apples....'

The Halloween Kiss: A Holiday story for you

Our friend Cathy in PA shared this great story with us. Enjoy and Happy Halloween! 

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A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.  She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you."

 She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me.  When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything.  I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

 "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

 She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that - 1) you have to be single and 2) you must be Catholic."

 The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

 The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

 But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"

 "Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

 The nun says,

"That's OK.  My name is Phil and I'm going to a Halloween party!"

6 Funny Puns!

Here are 6 great PUNS!! I love puns!!!- Rob
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger.”
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies “Yes, I’m positive.”
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?”, they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

Very Punny Stuff!

I (Rob) love puns. A colleague of mine sent me 10 of them and I had to share these 2! Hysterical!
1) A woman delivers a set of identical twins and decides to give them
up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
“Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him “Juan.”
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon
receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also
had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If
you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”
2) Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate
very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him... a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.