Holiday Funny Video: Aunt Chippy gift wrapping

This comedic "Christmas gift wrapping" short video is from a comedian on the Jimmy Kimmel Live show. She goes by the name "Aunt Chippy" and it's really funny. :) Reminds me of how my mom may behave! :)

Joke of the Month: The Secret of Rye Bread!

 Two older guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning.
The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87-year-old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day.

It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery.
As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help.
He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want five loaves."

She said, "My goodness, five loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe everybody knows about this shit but me."

Part 2: Sadly Funny Detroit Child Support Agency Forms

This was forwarded to us from a  friend, and if these are true, they are too sadly funny not to share. This is part 2 - Rob

6.  I cannot tell you the name of Alleshia's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy  I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country..  Please advise.
7.  I do not know who the father of my child was as they all look the same to me.
8.  Tyrone Hairston is the father of child A.  If you do catch up with him, can you axe him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?  Child B who was also borned at the same time.....  well, I don't have clue..
9.  From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World.  Maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom ..
10.  So much about that night is a blur.  The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening.  If I had stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 8956 Miller Ave , mine might have remained unfertilized.
11.  I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all, like when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart. 

Part 1: Sadly Funny Detroit Child Support Agency Forms

This was forwarded to us from a  friend, and if these are true, they are too sadly funny not to share. This is part 1. Part 2 will be posted tomorrow. - Rob
The following are all replies that Detroit women have written on Child Support Agency Forms in the section for listing 'Father's Details,' or putting it another way...  Who's your baby's Daddy?  These are genuine excerpts from the forms.  Be sure to check out #11, it takes 1st prize and #3 is runner up. 
     
1.  Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, Makeeshia was fathered by Maclearndon McKinley I am unsure as to the identity of the father of Marlinda, but I believe that she was conceived on the same night.    
2...  I am unsure, as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind.  I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.
 3.  I do not know the name of the father of my little girl.  She was conceived at a party at 3600 East Grand Boulevard where I had sex with a man I met that night.  I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted.  If you do manage to track down the father, can you please send me his phone number?    
4.  I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter.  He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels.  Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.   
5.  I have never had sex with a man.  I am still a Virginian.  I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was ejaculate and that he is the Saver risen again. 
  What's scary  - these people Raise Children AND Vote!

Rescue Blog: People Who Recently Abandoned Their Old Dogs

Working with 2 rescues means a lot of rewarding stories and a lot of heartbreaks. After last week's meeting with an abandoned dachshund at a local shelter who lost the will to live, it didn't take long to get another call. 

  On Wednesday night, we got an email and a call from our friend Melissa that manages one of the rescues that we work with. She informed us of a senior dachshund dropped off at a shelter by the dog's owners, and abandoned. The dog appeared in decent health and was stressed from being abandoned by it's heartless family.

  FIRST: If you're a dog owner and your dog is a senior (as in this case) either call a RESCUE or don't eat yourself and feed the dog. This little female Dachshund is supposed to be 18 years old, and YOU can't afford to buy food for the dog, Chances are you need to lose weight anyway. This is Dog who cannot fend for themselves and provides you with unconditional love. 

  SECOND: If you ever consider abandoning a senior dog to a shelter, you're a miserable, pathetic person. I have zero patience for people as heartless as that. Karma will catch up with you, and when you're senior, you're likely going to suffer miserably, and you don't deserve assistance.(Can you tell I'm angry here?)

  THIRD: The Bigger Tragedy of it all

- We couldn't get to the shelter for a couple of days because of pre-scheduled things (and work) to get the dog, so another Rescue worker was going to pick her up at 2:30pm on Thursday.  At 1p.m. I got a text message from the rescue that said the shelter euthanized this poor dog! I was livid. 

   I called the shelter, and the person I work with there said that some others in management made the decision before she got to work. She was also confused and shocked by the action. The shelter worker said that the managers overnight said the dog "had labored breathing" and nothing else. WHAT?
     I understand that the  little dog had "labored breathing," but we have a 16 year old dachshund with a heart condition (who has had it for 2 years) and has experienced labored breathing when he gets stressed. Of course any dog turned over to a shelter at an older age, and away from the family they knew their entire lives, would be stressed.  "Labored breathing" isn't a valid reason for euthanizing a dog, so I wanted more details on what happened.
  SO, I emailed the shelter. I can't understand why this dog, that appeared healthy, was killed when a rescue was coming in to take her out and foster her.  Other than stress, I'm trying to understand how a dog's health can go from content to suffering and not worth saving in 12 hours.
   END RESULT:  I got a call back from someone at the shelter who was rude to me and said "we don't have  time to tell everyone who calls about the reasons why we put dogs down. Go talk to your other rescue person." Then she hung up. Totally different from the helpful person I've worked with there before. I finally got ahold of the other rescue coordinator who told me the "manager" of the shelter said that this dog's stomach appeared bloated, so she made the decision to euthanize the dog -saying "it looked like the dog suffered from bloat." Well, our 16 year old dachshund, Sprite has a big tummy, but he doesn't have bloat. The other rescue coordinator said that she thought the shelter manager was having a bad day and would not change her mind about euthanizing this little dog. I can't tell you how angry I was at the shelter manager and how sad I feel at the same time. 
   I hope this little dog has found peace after going through a truly horrible end.

**ANOTHER TWO DOGS - I got another email about another Dachshund at a different shelter. This one appears to be abused, though. The vet report indicated "likely internal bleeding," and said the dog had previous back surgery.  That dog is 9.5 years old. The report said that the dog lived with elderly parents, and their grown (apparently unemployed, mooching, lazy, nasty) daughter who lives with them, never let the dog out when it needed to go the bathroom. She abused the dog, so the elderly people gave it up, now that it's in bad shape. *If I EVER catch anyone abusing a dog, they will be VERY sorry. This dog doesn't look like he has a chance to survive much longer, given the state of health.
  After discussing that dog, our coordinator informed us of a 10 year old female Dachshund abandoned in Mass. that is being transported to Maryland. That dog was given up by her family after 10 years, because they "couldn't care for her." SO, we're waiting to get details on her and may foster her.  * BOTTOM LINE:  I really hate people who abuse and abandon their senior pets. These dogs give unconditional love and have bonded with families, only to be thrown out as seniors. The stress and horror these dogs experience is brutal. I only hope the families that do this to their dogs experience the same anguish.
   **CAN YOU FOSTER? - If you can open your home for a couple of months to care for an abandoned dog, the Dachshund and Weimaraner Rescues DESPERATELY NEED FOSTER HOMES.  - Contact me by email, or through this blog. I don't care what state you live in.
 Rob  

Hand Dryer Fail!

Because Tom is an architect he has to know about all kinds of products, and one of them is a hand dryer for public bathrooms.
    It's really hard to find a good hand dryer. Here are some pictures of hand dryers from the Internet. The first one leaves streaks of water all over the wall its mounted on. The others speak for themselves.

Mounted over a counter!

The BEST advice!

*Cool Stuff from NASA!* NASA-NOAA Satellite Reveals New Views of Earth at Night

Here's something amazing and cool that we issued today from NASA Goddard: 
NASA-NOAA Satellite Reveals New Views of Earth at Night
   Scientists unveiled today an unprecedented new look at our planet at night. A global composite image, constructed using cloud-free night images from a new NASA and National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) satellite, shows the glow of natural and human-built phenomena across the planet in greater detail than ever before.
  Many satellites are equipped to look at Earth during the day, when they can observe our planet fully illuminated by the sun. With a new sensor aboard the NASA-NOAA Suomi National Polar-orbiting Partnership (NPP) satellite launched last year, scientists now can observe Earth's atmosphere and surface during nighttime hours.
Full Story : http://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/NPP/news/earth-at-night.html
 

Does your Dog Suffer from Bloat?

Bloat is a serious illness that dogs can suffer from. Weimaraners are particularly prone to it, but there are many other dogs that can suffer from it. Here, from the Iowa Weim Rescue is a chart about what bloat is, how to spot it in your dog, and take care of it.

SCIENCE NEWS: Trees are shedding leaves later than usual

Scientists examined changes in the growing season over the Northern Hemisphere during 1982 to 2008 and found that end of the growing season has shifted to later in the year. Scientists regard changes in the growing season as an important indicator of the response of terrestrial ecosystems to climate change. The results of the research were published in the July 2011 issue of the journal Global Change Biology and were further reviewed by Climate Central on October 17, 2012.
    To measure the length of the growing season, scientists used NDVI (normalized difference vegetation index) data collected by satellites to estimate the “greenness” of vegetation growing across the Northern Hemisphere during 1982 to 2008. The NDVI calculates how much visible light is absorbed by vegetation. Healthy vegetation absorbs most visible light
    The scientists found that the length of the growing season has expanded over time due to both earlier starts to the growing season and later ends to the growing season.
     Dates for the end of the growing season in the Northern Hemisphere ranged from September 17 to November 26. While there were high amounts of variation in the data, the trends showed that the end of the growing season has shifted to later in the year. During 1982 to 1999, the end of the growing season was delayed by 4.3 days. During 2000 to 2008, the end of the growing season was further delayed by an additional 2.3 days. Overall, these data indicate that we are experiencing a long-term trend towards later autumn weather across the Northern Hemisphere.
   The scientists believe that changes observed in the growing season were largely driven by changes in temperature and precipitation over the last several decades.

  The research published in Global Change Biology was carried out by scientists from Seoul National University and the NASA Goddard Space Flight Center. It was funded by the Korea Meteorological Administration Research and Development Program.
FULL STORY: http://earthsky.org/earth/trees-are-shedding-leaves-later-than-usual

Joke of the Week: Inside an Irish Courtroom: Hammer-time!

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged  with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You bastard!"

The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."

The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You rotten bastard!"

The judge stops and says to Paddy in the back of the courtroom..... Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes, But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt.  Is that understood?"

Paddy stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, but for 15
years I've lived next door to that arsehole, and every time I asked to
borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one. ?

1st Use of AARP Card!

Last weekend, while we were out running errands we stopped in a Dunkin' Donuts (as we usually do daily) and I saw a sign showing an AARP card and touting its benefits. I wouldn't have thought about it because I just got it last month (turning 50), but decided to take out the card and see what it did for me. The answer: A Free Donut at Dunkin' Donuts!  YAY!
 See? There's already a silver lining to turning 50.

Barb Mallon's Holiday Afternoon of Messages from Spirit! Dec. 16

Barb Mallon's HOLIDAY Afternoon of Messages from Spirit

When:  Sunday, December 16, 2012

Time:   4:00 - 7:00pm
Where: Chantilly, Virginia
Fee:     $60/pp or $50/pp with the donation of a bag of dog food/blankets/treats, etc.

---

 Do you have family in town for the holidays?  Looking for something unique to do?

Join medium Barb Mallon for a very special afternoon of inspiration, validations, and messages from loved ones on the other side!  (Rob will also be there and share a "3 Ghosts of Christmas Past" story, and have his books available)

This event will also benefit a local animal rescue group (TBA).  Bring a bag of dog food, or warm blankets, treats, etc., and get $10 off your admittance fee!  

TICKETS: http://www.eventbrite.com/event/4944257407?ref=ebtn#

This event is much like Barb's larger mediumship events; however, instead of an audience of 50 or more, only 25 seats will be available.  This gives participants a better chance of having their own special reading.  We may also have a few of Barb's mediumship students present who may have extra messages at the end of the evening!

This very intimate setting is a wonderful way to experience the process of mediumship through possibly your own reading or through the readings of others*.  

Barb will start with a small introduction, and then relay messages from the other side to those members of the audience she's pulled to. She then finishes with a small Q & A session. The event lasts approximately 2 hours.

She strives to get to as many members of the audience that she can get to* during this event; however, keep in mind that those spirit people with the most dominant energy are the ones who will be able to come through. While she will do her best to keep the readings equal lengths, some spirit people have more to say than others. Some readings may be 5 minutes, while others may be a bit longer. 

Please join Barb after the Q&A session for an intimate reception with holiday refreshments, music and tables of holiday gifts for purchase!  Barb will have NEW pieces of her hand-crafted sterling silver jewelry for sale, as well!

PROGRAM:

4:00 - 4:15 - Introduction

4:15 - 6:00 - Audience readings/Q&A

6:00 - 7:00 - Holiday refreshments & gift ideas available next door!