Some Great Jokes About Things Kids Say

Mom F. in Maine sent us these funny gems, and they made us laugh out loud. Hope they make you laugh, too! 
THE WHALE TALE
A little  girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
 
WHITE HAIR 
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'

CLASS PHOTO
  The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
'Just think how nice it will be to  look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's  Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a  doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'



WATCHING  
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE.  God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want.  God is watching the apples....'

Another of Ellen's Autocorrect Videos- Hysterical

Okay- Here's one more of Ellen's Autocorrect video segments to make you laugh!  This is hysterical.

Encore! More of Ellen's Autocorrect Bloopers!

Because these are SO funny- I've decided to post another of Ellen's Autocorrect blogs! Enjoy!

Video: Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

  We can relate to this... and if you're over 40, now there's a medical term for your forgetfulness!  Enjoy this short 4 minute video. Thanks to Cathy in PA for sharing it! Rob and Tom

Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder
by Borehamwood Camcorder Club

The director, Steve Pemberton, writes about the making of this film in our Film Talk section.

Parody on Stupid Rick Perry Ad

Rick Perry did a stupid ad this month talking about a "war on Christmas" and how he wants to get gay people out of the military. It was SO stupid that comics had a field day with it, especially  because he wore the same jacket that Heath Ledger wore as the gay character in the film "Brokeback Mountain." Enjoy the parody:

Funny Headline

Our friend Lisa G. in Maine sent us this funny headline. It originated in an Op-Ed column in the "Echo" from Ypsilanti, Michigan.

You can see the Op-Ed here: http://archive.easternecho.com/content/republicans-turned-size-obamas-package

A fun joke for your Wednesday

It's always good to have a smile to get you through the week, and this is little joke came from Mom F in Maine (she has funny stuff). Enjoy! :)
AN ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION
'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.
The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'
'Yes, Father, it is.'
'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father.. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'
'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell.'
'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'
'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that..But you've sinned and have to atone.You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'
'Four months vacation and five good leads.'

Some Down Home Maine Humor

One of my adopted "Moms" lives in Maine, and she sends the funniest, most entertaining emails to us. Here are a couple of them that you may enjoy. They made us laugh out loud!

Summer's almost here in Maine .........we can now see the deer moving around. Yep, won't be long.

SOME MAINE REFLECTIONS ABOUT GETTING OLD:
1) INTERVIEW WITH A 104-YR OLD:"And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?," the reporter asked. She said, "No peer pressure."
2) THIS COULD BE FROM AN ELDERLY MARYLANDER: I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes, I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia, poor circulation; Hardly feel my hands and feet, Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God I still have my driver's license.
3) WORKING OUT: "I feel like my body is totally out of shape, So I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over."

A Blonde Christmas Story and a funny Stamp!

Merry Christmas from our friend John in Virginia Beach:
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, 'May I please have 50 Christmas stamps?'
The clerk says, 'What denomination?'
The blonde says, 'God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.'
I found the image of this Christmas stamp on-line while looking for an image to accompany John's joke above, but this struck me funny. It looks like Santa couldn't find a toilet and is using a chimney here. Okay, so bathroom humor makes me laugh sometimes, but you have to admit it looks awfully suspicious! :)