The Darwins Are Out!!!! Yes, it’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here Is The Glorious Winner:
1. When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time
it worked.
And Now, The Honorable Mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to
his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of
its men to have a look for himself. He tried
the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his
car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a
woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit
his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus
stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered
the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the
patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from
serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to
see how close he could get his head to a moving
train before he was hit.
6.. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on
the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash
drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register,
which the clerk promptly provided. The man took
the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter.
The total amount of cash he got from the drawer… $15. [If someone points
a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He
decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store
window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and
heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block
bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him
unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole
event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a
man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher.
They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then
taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which
he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the
purse from.”
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t
open the cash register without a food order. When
the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for
breakfast… The frustrated gunman walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD
WINNER]
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than
he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man
curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.
A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage
tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges
saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had and the
perp had been punished enough!
In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with
friends and family…. unless of course one of these individuals by chance
is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they
are distant and hope they remain lost.
*****Remember*****
They walk among us, they can reproduce.
