What is it about vacations? You plan. You save. You anticipate. And, in some cases (as Rob & I most recently have done), make payments for a year on a trip that will take you away from the normal routine, and in some cases help you escape from what is the reality of our lives. Why is it that you find yourself counting down the days until you go away only to find yourself, while you're away, counting down the days until you can return to the same old routine? One of life's paradoxes, I guess.
Rob & I have just returned from an 8-day all-Gay chartered cruise to the southern Caribbean. The weather was warm. The beaches were beautiful. The water was its characteristic turquoise blue. But, aside from all of the picturesque imagery above, this vacation turned out to be an eye opening experience for the two of us; one that neither of us wishes to repeat.
I "came out of the closet" at the tail end of the Gay liberation movement in the late 80s. At that time, it was still not acceptable to be out and we, the Gay community, were still fighting for acceptance and protections that are now taken for granted. So many achievements have been attained, but there is still so much farther to go to achieving full equality for Gays in our country. Although I don't dress in drag and have no plans to have a sex change operation, I was always tolerant others in our community that do and always felt that we (collective "we") should defend their right to free expression and defend their right to find happiness in this life. But there are times when I have to draw the line – especially when I feel that acceptance and tolerance should give way to appropriateness and decency.
Now, I don't know when it happened, and I certainly don't consider myself to be ready to be sent out to pasture just yet, but somewhere along the line, the switch has turned for me – I went from being a young adult to old geezer.
Rob & I witnessed sights on this cruise that make us want to divorce ourselves and put as much distance between us and the Gay community as possible. I don't know when this happened, but it has. Rob & I have settled down into a "normal" lifestyle – we have good-paying stable careers, we have the proverbial house in the suburbs with the picket fence, we have two dogs that we love for all the world, we have loving families that care about us, and we live in a diverse middle class community where I guess you would say we "blend in" with our neighbors. We mow the grass on Saturday afternoons, we keep our front sidewalk swept, we wash the windows when they're dirty, and our house looks just like any other house on the block. My parents raised me to be an adult; this is what responsible adults do.
What we don't find acceptable is parading through the dining room on a cruise ship in leather chaps with one's bare ass cheeks hanging out. We don't find it acceptable for men in their 60s with pierced nipples and beer guts parading around in red mesh tank tops. We don't find it acceptable for a grown man to parade around in red hot go-go boots up to his thighs while sporting a square cut bathing suit too small to cover his privates. We don't find it acceptable for men in their 40s to behave as if they're still in their 20s, staying up until 5 a.m., and drinking themselves into oblivion. It's time to grow up. It's time to be an adult. We don't believe in defending this type of behavior; we find it embarrassing. This type of free expression is not what we believe the Gay community has been fighting for for nearly 20 years. And we don't believe it is what mainstream America will be willing to tolerate.
While walking the hallways of the cruise ship, Rob & I were snubbed by many including the very same people described wearing the apparel above. We experienced enough "attitude" on this cruise to last me the next 20 years. It became such a joke to Rob and me that we have dubbed it "the Gay." When someone walks past and ignores your greeting by throwing their heads up and glancing purposely in the opposite direction to ignore you, you have experienced "the Gay." Totally ridiculous behavior.
Rob & I do try to stick to our normal routine even while on vacation. For us this means attempting to get a good night's sleep by turning in between 9:30 and 10 p.m – our usual bed time when we're at home. This was a mistake while on the cruise. Other cruisers, returning to their cabins at 4 and 5 a.m., did not find it necessary to be respectful of others – slamming their stateroom doors, whooping it up in the hallways, yelling for the next hour while they unwind to finally go to bed. I've come to expect this kind of boorish behavior while away from home because it has become so prevalent throughout American culture – even when I'm on travel for work and stay in expensive hotels in other parts of the country, this type of behavior is commonplace. It probably wouldn't have been so bad on this vacation if we didn't have to move to two other cabins on the ship before we were finally able to get a good night's sleep. Again, totally ridiculous behavior.
Two things saved our vacation. First of all, the staff at RSVP (who chartered the cruise ship) was very understanding of our plight: they listened to our complaint, they were prompt in addressing our concern, and they immediately resolved the problem. Secondly, around mid-week, Rob & I met a man from Tennessee named Ed. He renewed our belief that not everyone in the Gay community is a totally whacked out freak attempting to vainly hang on to their fast-fleeing youth. Ed was great fun and we enjoyed hanging out with him for the remainder of the week.
I think, for next year's winter vacation, Rob & I will be going it on our own. There comes a time when something becomes "too Gay." This vacation experience was one of those times.
Rob & I have just returned from an 8-day all-Gay chartered cruise to the southern Caribbean. The weather was warm. The beaches were beautiful. The water was its characteristic turquoise blue. But, aside from all of the picturesque imagery above, this vacation turned out to be an eye opening experience for the two of us; one that neither of us wishes to repeat.
I "came out of the closet" at the tail end of the Gay liberation movement in the late 80s. At that time, it was still not acceptable to be out and we, the Gay community, were still fighting for acceptance and protections that are now taken for granted. So many achievements have been attained, but there is still so much farther to go to achieving full equality for Gays in our country. Although I don't dress in drag and have no plans to have a sex change operation, I was always tolerant others in our community that do and always felt that we (collective "we") should defend their right to free expression and defend their right to find happiness in this life. But there are times when I have to draw the line – especially when I feel that acceptance and tolerance should give way to appropriateness and decency.
Now, I don't know when it happened, and I certainly don't consider myself to be ready to be sent out to pasture just yet, but somewhere along the line, the switch has turned for me – I went from being a young adult to old geezer.
Rob & I witnessed sights on this cruise that make us want to divorce ourselves and put as much distance between us and the Gay community as possible. I don't know when this happened, but it has. Rob & I have settled down into a "normal" lifestyle – we have good-paying stable careers, we have the proverbial house in the suburbs with the picket fence, we have two dogs that we love for all the world, we have loving families that care about us, and we live in a diverse middle class community where I guess you would say we "blend in" with our neighbors. We mow the grass on Saturday afternoons, we keep our front sidewalk swept, we wash the windows when they're dirty, and our house looks just like any other house on the block. My parents raised me to be an adult; this is what responsible adults do.
What we don't find acceptable is parading through the dining room on a cruise ship in leather chaps with one's bare ass cheeks hanging out. We don't find it acceptable for men in their 60s with pierced nipples and beer guts parading around in red mesh tank tops. We don't find it acceptable for a grown man to parade around in red hot go-go boots up to his thighs while sporting a square cut bathing suit too small to cover his privates. We don't find it acceptable for men in their 40s to behave as if they're still in their 20s, staying up until 5 a.m., and drinking themselves into oblivion. It's time to grow up. It's time to be an adult. We don't believe in defending this type of behavior; we find it embarrassing. This type of free expression is not what we believe the Gay community has been fighting for for nearly 20 years. And we don't believe it is what mainstream America will be willing to tolerate.
While walking the hallways of the cruise ship, Rob & I were snubbed by many including the very same people described wearing the apparel above. We experienced enough "attitude" on this cruise to last me the next 20 years. It became such a joke to Rob and me that we have dubbed it "the Gay." When someone walks past and ignores your greeting by throwing their heads up and glancing purposely in the opposite direction to ignore you, you have experienced "the Gay." Totally ridiculous behavior.
Rob & I do try to stick to our normal routine even while on vacation. For us this means attempting to get a good night's sleep by turning in between 9:30 and 10 p.m – our usual bed time when we're at home. This was a mistake while on the cruise. Other cruisers, returning to their cabins at 4 and 5 a.m., did not find it necessary to be respectful of others – slamming their stateroom doors, whooping it up in the hallways, yelling for the next hour while they unwind to finally go to bed. I've come to expect this kind of boorish behavior while away from home because it has become so prevalent throughout American culture – even when I'm on travel for work and stay in expensive hotels in other parts of the country, this type of behavior is commonplace. It probably wouldn't have been so bad on this vacation if we didn't have to move to two other cabins on the ship before we were finally able to get a good night's sleep. Again, totally ridiculous behavior.
Two things saved our vacation. First of all, the staff at RSVP (who chartered the cruise ship) was very understanding of our plight: they listened to our complaint, they were prompt in addressing our concern, and they immediately resolved the problem. Secondly, around mid-week, Rob & I met a man from Tennessee named Ed. He renewed our belief that not everyone in the Gay community is a totally whacked out freak attempting to vainly hang on to their fast-fleeing youth. Ed was great fun and we enjoyed hanging out with him for the remainder of the week.
I think, for next year's winter vacation, Rob & I will be going it on our own. There comes a time when something becomes "too Gay." This vacation experience was one of those times.
OUR PHOTOS: http://www.flickr.com/photos/robgutro/
Tom
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